While You Were Sleeping
by NickyM96
Summary: [Mulder/Scully Romance, Scully Angst] What happened between 'Three Words' and 'Empedocles' to cause the sudden attitude shift in Mulder? Scully gives him an earful when he can't seem to comprehend what she went through when he was gone.


Title - While You Were Sleeping  
Author - Henle Girl  
Rating - PG  
Classification - VRA  
Keywords - Mulder/Scully Romance, Scully Angst  
Spoilers - Empedocles  
Summary - What happened between 'Three Words' and 'Empedocles' to   
cause the sudden attitude shift in Mulder? Scully gives him an   
earful when he can't seem to comprehend what she went through   
when he was gone.   
Disclaimer - The characters don't belong to me. I'm just   
borrowing them for my own therapeutic purposes. They will be   
returned relatively unharmed to Chris Carter, or whoever wants to   
borrow them next, when I'm done.  
  
Feedback: PLEASE!!! Henle_Girl@hotmail.com  
  
While You Were Sleeping  
  
The day after your funeral, I went back to work. I walked around   
that office for an hour before it really hit me. You weren't   
coming back. Never. Not ever. You were dead. I buried you.   
And with you, I felt like I had buried my soul. I was nothing   
more than a shell. Merely an incubator for the life growing   
within. I felt nothing.  
  
The only thing I felt was the intense need to get away. I   
couldn't stay in that small room. That tiny basement office   
where I first met you and learned all about life and love. It   
was now known to me as the room where I realized I was dead. You   
weren't there. You would never be there again. I couldn't be   
there either. So I left. I walked out, not knowing if I would   
ever return.  
  
I passed agent after agent in the hallway, each giving me looks   
of pity or words of condolences for my loss. Loss? I didn't   
lose you. You were taken from me. And then you were returned to   
me. Dead. That's not loss. That goes beyond loss into a   
territory I cannot even begin to define. Beyond abyss. Beyond   
black hole. Beyond the sinking darkness sucking the breath from   
my lungs, the light from my eyes, the will from my very being.   
Loss doesn't do that. Loss doesn't leave you feeling like a   
walking corpse. That's what I had become.  
  
I must have yelled this out loud because the next thing I knew, a   
crowd had surrounded me, their eyes wide with shock and   
apprehension. How ironic that the ice queen was having a   
meltdown. They all kept their distance, though. Everybody but   
one. His familiar arms wrapped around me and lifted me off of my   
now useless legs. They weren't the arms I craved, but they were   
the arms that had supported me throughout the whole ordeal.  
  
"I'm taking you home, Scully," he whispered in my ear.  
  
No need, Walter. I was on my way anyhow. The words echoed in my   
head, but all that came from my mouth were gut wrenching sobs.   
The tears followed, drenching my face as well as Skinner's shirt.   
He would have to change it, I thought to myself as my tenuous   
grip on my sanity finally broke, sending me spiraling into a   
world of darkness.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *   
  
For six weeks the darkness owned me. I couldn't do anything but   
cry and sleep. But in my sleep, I'd have nightmares of you and   
would wake up crying again. Day after day the cycle continued.   
Until one day I ended up in the hospital. I'd be released just   
to end up there again a week or two later. I had so many scars   
on my arms from IV's that they had to move to my hands that last   
time. I didn't even feel it. As painful as hand IV's are, it   
didn't faze me.  
  
The IV's were necessary, though. For the baby. I was too out of   
it to make sure I ate properly. I didn't pay attention to my   
health. Or to the baby. I don't think I even thought about the   
baby until . . . well one day, the baby made sure I thought of   
him. He kicked. For the first time ever, I felt him move. It   
was the first thing I had felt in over a month. Despite all I   
was going through, he was still strong. Still thriving. No   
thanks to me.  
  
From that moment on, I made a vow to my baby. I vowed to do   
better for the both of us. You were . . . gone. And I had to   
accept that. I had to learn to live without you. I had to learn   
to live without the very essence of my life. But we figured it   
out, the baby and I. We gave each other strength.  
  
A few days later, I was able to return to work. Back to the   
halls we once dwelled. This time, I didn't feel so alone.   
Because I had a piece of you with me. I was able to walk into   
that building, my head held high and my belly proudly stuck out.   
There were stares. There was whispering. I became the hottest   
topic around the water cooler.  
  
"Did you see Agent Scully?" they would say. "Looks like old   
Spooky knocked her up and took off."  
  
Skinner set up a daily recurring meeting in his office around   
lunch time to be sure I ate at least one proper meal a day. That   
started more rumors. They would claim that Skinner and I were   
having an affair the whole time. And that once he got me   
pregnant, you couldn't handle it and disappeared.  
  
There were so many more cruel, vicious rumors. But I just   
ignored them. I focused on my work. I focused on my baby.   
Pretty soon, despite my ever increasing girth, interest in my   
situation died. Word got around that one of the new recruits was   
having an affair with the Deputy Director and everyone soon   
forgot about me down in my little basement office.  
  
The days passed. And I thanked God for each one I made it   
through without you. But there was a part of me still waiting on   
that phone call. The phone call that would tell me of your   
mysterious arrival at the hospital, suffering from unknown   
injuries but otherwise fine. Imagine my surprise when I actually   
received that call.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was the middle of the night. I was already in the bed. But I   
was up and dressed and at the hospital in record time. Agent   
Doggett tried to hold me back. He tried to tell me that there   
wasn't any hope. But you were dead. And all of a sudden, you   
weren't. If that wasn't cause for hope, then I didn't know what   
was. Despite what he said, despite what the doctors were telling   
me, I knew you were going to be fine. Under all those tubes and   
wires, I finally felt what I had been missing those months you   
were gone. I felt your heart beating. Beating in perfect time   
with my own. We were together again. And no one was going to   
tear us apart ever again.   
  
I sat by your bedside. I held onto you with one hand and the   
baby with the other. And I truly believed you'd come back to us.   
When you finally opened your eyes and cracked that stupid joke, I   
just knew everything would be okay. Little did I know that it   
wouldn't be just anything keeping us apart. It would be you.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"You were so distant. You gave me lame excuses about not knowing   
where you fit in. I tried to understand. I really did. But to   
me, your return was nothing short of a miracle. It was the   
miracle I prayed for with my every breath. And you just treated   
it as if it were just some kind of curse."  
  
Tears that I didn't think I'd ever cry again begin to roll down   
my cheeks, dropping softly onto my shirt. I wipe them away and   
look back up at him, hoping he can see the ultimatum gleaming in   
my eyes.   
  
"I don't know if you'll ever understand what it was like," I tell   
him, repeating again my words from earlier. "But maybe what I   
told you tonight will give you some kind of idea of what I went   
through. Mulder, I found your dead body. I had to put you in   
the ground. All the time wishing I could go with you, but   
knowing that I couldn't because of . . ."   
  
I look down at my swollen belly and gently stroke it, a small   
smile coming to my face when the baby kicks at my hand.  
  
"I'm sorry that life passed you by while you were sleeping. But   
we had to learn to live without you," I whisper. "But you're   
back now and it's time for *you* to learn to live *with* us. You   
have to wake up, Mulder. You're here, but you're still asleep."  
  
I have to fight my instincts to touch him. Instead, I just turn   
and waddle away. Out the door. Possibly out of his life   
forever. Will things change? I wonder. I leave Mulder's   
feeling better that I got my story out, but not sure if it will   
make any difference to him. He's so desperate to find out where   
he belongs in life now. I just hope he can see that it's with   
me. And with our baby.  
  
I get home and change into my comfortable pajamas, not sure if I   
want to shower, eat, or sleep. My rumbling stomach decides for   
me and I pick up the phone and order a pizza. I hope that cute   
pizza boy brings it. He usually takes awhile, so I decide to   
shower while I wait. But those plans get put on hold with a   
knock at the door.  
  
I open it and to my surprise it's Mulder. And this time, it's   
really him. The light is back in his eyes. The smile is back on   
his face. And he's teasing me about my apparent fondness for the   
pizza guy. I think we're going to be okay now. I had to go   
through so much by myself while he was sleeping. But now, that's   
all over. I won't have to be alone again. Mulder has decided to   
take his life back. He's finally decided to wake up.  
  
The end. 


End file.
